5 South African parenting rules that are actually toxic

Parenting traditions are powerful — they shape who we become, how we think, and how we raise the next generation.

But not all parenting “rules” stand the test of time. In many South African homes, certain long-held beliefs were passed down with good intentions, yet they may actually do more harm than good in today’s world.
1 – “Children must be seen, not heard”

This rule discourages open communication and emotional expression. It teaches children to suppress their thoughts and feelings, which can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, and poor emotional regulation in adulthood.
2 – “Respect your elders, no matter what”

While respect is important, this belief can silence children when they’re being mistreated or abused by older individuals. It can also normalize power imbalances and discourage kids from speaking up against injustice.
3 – “Spare the rod, spoil the child”

Corporal punishment is still normalized in many households, despite being banned in schools and legally discouraged. Physical discipline can lead to trauma, aggression, and long-term emotional damage — and it often teaches fear rather than respect.
4 – “Toughen up — crying is for weaklings”

This belief, especially common toward boys, discourages emotional vulnerability. It fosters emotional repression and can harm mental health, making it harder for men to express or process emotions later in life.
5 – “What happens in the home stays in the home”

This can create a culture of secrecy, especially around abuse, neglect, or mental health struggles. It prevents children from seeking help or speaking out about harmful behavior, reinforcing cycles of trauma.